hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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