I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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