No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
