You smell like a Billy Joel song
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
