THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
