I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
