omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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