Do you still have your period?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
