So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
