I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
