Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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