i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
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Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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