Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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