am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
