Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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