Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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