You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
