i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
