i think my tv is drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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