JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
pray to the hookup gods
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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