i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
