I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
