Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
