dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
