I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
