Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my shit smells like andre
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
