Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
