at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
