woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Who died my cat blue again?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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