No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
