JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
