did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
