I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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