New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
