Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
