If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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