I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
