I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
