Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
