I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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