What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
