Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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