I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
