gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
