My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
