just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
