So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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