I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
