Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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