I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
