im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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