Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
