I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
