She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize