Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
