when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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