I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
