my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
