if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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