Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am in a vortex of obligation.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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