yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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