They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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