OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
