I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
