I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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