she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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