So drunk its hurt
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
