What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
