If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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