yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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