it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
