he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
