I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
