He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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