that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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