this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
