Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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